Religion and Domestic Violence

Religion and Domestic Violence

Why consider the religious or spiritual issues of Religion and Domestic Violence?

....because these are fundamental not only to the believing victim and abuser as well as their Church, but also to all those who live in a culture which is largely based upon Christian and other Religions' moral values and traditions.
When considering Religion and Domestic Violence we have to realize that religious or spiritual factors are central to the victim's understanding and response. His/her own faith and the support of
church members can be vital in helping the healing process, while a lack of understanding regarding the Biblical perspective on abusive relationships by the victim or those he/she turns to for spiritual guidance and support can add to the emotional, physical and financial hurdles already faced.
Many women in abusive relationships feel they ought to submit to their husbands out of duty, that they have no right over their own body, life or even opinions. Quite often this misconception is furthered by advice from clergy, elders, rabbis or other members of the Church or congregation.

Some men may feel trapped by their beliefs in an abusive relationship, unsure of their position towards their wives or girl-friends. Some men may feel that unless they lord it over their partners, they are not doing as they ought to in the sight of God, that their position is one of Master, of Lord of the household. Often quotations or excerpts from the Bible are used to justify abusive behavior, or the suppression by one member of the household of another. This in itself is a form of spiritual abuse.

Does God Want me to Stay?

Christian victims of domestic violence face the same hurdles to leaving an abusive relationship as do other victims, but they also have religious or biblical concerns, which make it difficult even getting to the stage of admitting abuse is happening without fearing 'eternal condemnation'. We may also ask ourselves whether our experience within the relationship is what God intended for us, whether being fearful in our marriage is an aspect of love?

What about Forgiveness?

I do forgive my ex-husband, and I wish him well, but I'm glad I don't have to be part of his life or his family anymore, and I don't like the kids having too much contact with him because I consider him a bad influence, especially on the boys. (May's Story) One of the main dilemmas facing both the victim of abuse and the Church leaders and/or members when dealing with the perpetrator of Domestic Violence, is the question of Forgiveness. Should we forgive the abuser unconditionally? How do we tell if repentance has taken place? Should the acts be forgiven and forgotten? For the victim, is it her/his duty to forgive each incident, act as though nothing had happened and continue to put herself/himself at risk from the abuser? Do we need to be forgiven ourselves and is that forgiveness available to us?

I totally understand from this perspective above but really, looking at these and judging from this part of the world where I'm, I think religion is the oldest form of abuse unknown to man. Here in Nigeria, I have witnessed several people stay in bad marriages all because of their religion and that's just some sick stuff. Some women stay not because they can't leave but because they have children with their partners and a lot of the responsibilities are taken by the partner. Some stay because they feel leaving an abusive marriage is a sin. Some stay because they depend on their spouse for everything and i mean everything. Some stay because the pastor and the church want them to stay or because they are afraid of what people will say.(Nigerians will understand this better... that look they give you when they find out your deepest secrets). They try to justify their abuser's action with the word of God but please who has it helped. In fact the leaders of the church try to convince them by saying "it's okay, everything will be fine and i'll continue to pray for you" Well, you just got played...brethren!!!. 

Nothing will be fine until you tell yourself it will be by taking necessary actions. When the leaders of the church don't know how to help you they tell you "we will pray for you" and it's wrong. They recommend bible verses and holy oil and water and tell you to chant to the most high. I don't think the Most High needs your chants. He gave you a head with a big brain to think and utilize it....TAKE ACTION...ACTION!!! Don't let anyone tell you to keep praying for your husband while he keeps battering you at every slight opportunity he has. Prayers will not take the scars off your skin. The people telling you to pray will not come and visit you ooooo...They will not be there when you are shouting help help help!!! You are allowed to pray and wail all you want in the presence of your Most High but please include your thinking and action!!! If you can't cope, LEAVE!!! That's why i advice women to have things doing. Don't be idle even if you are a full housewife to avoid depending on your spouse 365days a year. If anything goes down you are sure to be able to fend for yourself and your children. Don't allow one frog from somewhere reduce you to nothing. You are something!!!


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